On 9/2 we had an appointment – Monthly visit. I took my mom with me. The doctor said everything looked great. She was a little tiny but everything else looked great. Good heart beat and all. She even told us she believed she was a girl- but we would find out forsure on 9/12.
10 days later on 9/12 (my little girl’s daddy’s birthday) we went to our appointment. The ultra sound was about 45 minutes long. When we were done we asked if he knew the sex (because he got up and just said we were done without saying anything about the ultra sound)… He said he couldn’t tell and the pictures were blurry. And that’s all we were left with.
The next day I got a call asking if I could come in for a last minute appointment because the pictures “were blurry” and because it was a technician that did the ultra sound, a “specialist” needed to do a follow up… everything felt like it was about to shatter. Every appointment we had been to, I would always ask my doctor if we could hear the heartbeat first. Because my biggest fear was that something would go wrong. I got to the doctors office, sat in the room waiting, and the doctor came in and said “I’m so sorry we have to meet under these circumstances.” I instantly started to cry. She told me what was wrong… Alessia had cystic hygroma with hydrops. It was connected/related to turners syndrome. She showed me what was happening, but I couldn’t watch. I covered my eyes and I cried the whole time she performed the ultra sound to get the measurements of the baby.
Alessia had a missing chromosome which is why she was two weeks behind in size, had an under developed heart, fluid in her lungs, chest, and all over her body. She was swollen. Everywhere. We either performed a D&E to remove her before her heart gave out or let her fight for another week and give birth to a still born. Because everything was just getting worse those were the only options we were left with.
We waited about a week or so to get a second pair of eyes, or rather a third. The doctor confirmed what the tech saw and what the previous doctor saw and gave our little girl a 0% survival rate because her condition was so severe. If she were growing semi-normally, and the fluid wasn’t EVERYWHERE, “then I would tell you guys to let her fight. But because it’s this bad so early on in the pregnancy, there’s a 100% chance she won’t make it full term.”
With that, we left, and cried the whole way home in silence. As a week went by, we were scheduled for a D&E on September 29, 2016. And within that week we waited, we told her how much we loved her and how sorry we were- but we enjoyed her while we could.
What was once my little girl’s home is now gone, I’m leaking milk with no baby to nurture, and I’m emotionally exhausted. Here I am, a week after giving birth, with no baby to show for it, and I’m sad. I miss her every day. But it’s important to share my story because it’s my story of the days that led up to the birth of my child.
I love you, Alessia Mia Bello, and mommy and daddy miss you so much.